What's your punch card?

It's pretty safe to say that I'm between a rock and a hard place at this point in my life. After I heal from surgery, I can maintain my position out of the work force and continue to benefit from my free health care. I could try to find some "off the books" income so as to bring some cash in without jeopardizing that. My other option is to find work and either a.) neglect my health until it is as out of control as it is now or b.) beg an employer to give me an indefinite amount of days off so that I can pursue healthcare I can't afford until this reform is all worked out.
I've hashed this out before, no need to beat a dead horse. The topic of today's rant leans more towards the latter.
It's pretty hard to find work these days. There are plenty of jobs out there, but most people find themselves rationalizing not taking them for any number of reasons. What desireable jobs there are become objects of prey for hoards of folks looking for the softest, easiest way to make a buck. Sadly, however, it doesn't seem to matter what you're qualified for. The job that you want is also coveted by hundreds, and at least half of those hundreds have some sort of punch card. Most commonly, you're up against discrimination. It happens all the time. Someone in a minority group screams the 'D' word, and the powers that be cower in fear. If that's not a factor, there's always the concern that someone younger and sexier will come along. I highly encourage each and every one of you to dispute this, but I've seen it work. It's tried and true. Anything worth gaining these days can be had if you're sneaky enough.
I don't really care to be on disability. I once had ambitions. I spent 5 years of my life in post-secondary education. I don't think that ANY person with virtue wants to spend their life in that kind of 'system'. I already feel like a failure. Being stamped with the label of not being fit to work isn't going to correct that. I fear, however, that my choices are slimmer and slimmer by the day, and this seems to be the only one I'm left with. So many people have insisted to me that it's the best option for me and that I would be a shoe-in. Not so fast. AGAIN, there are hoards of crooked slobs out there who know how to work the system and ruin it for everybody. If I had a dollar for every obese person rolling through wal-mart on their hover-rounds collecting a disability check, I wouldn't be having this dilemma.
I guess they haven't caught on to the mass trend of getting a job, signing onto a group coverage health insurance policy, and fighting to have their weight loss surgery covered by their insurance. No need to worry about cosmetic complications after the fact. You can fight for that too! Nevermind the fact that you've now doubled premiums and deductibles for your colleagues and in some cases jeopardized coverage for all altogether!
I know.. I know.. I complain a lot. If I had half the fire for activism as I do the concerns, I'd be the next president. Thanks for allowing me to prattle and indulging me by reading!
I have work to do and shouldn't go on. Maybe my next post will be something pretty and flowery and inspirational! :)

When life hands you lemons...

Generally I like to revolve my entries around a particular theme. It's been a long week and I have a lot on my mind, so today's blog is going to be about ME! My experiences with people who "care" about me are leading me to wish I lived in the amazon with apes! I try really hard to encourage people to be their best without bullying. Though it often doesn't translate the way I wish for it to, I never want anyone to think I'm bullying them or trying to make them feel worse about their inadequacies. There's a fine line between this recipe of motivation and destructive criticism. From today, I am pledging to do my best to filter my words so that they aren't construed as destructive criticism. It's probably obvious by now that this frustration stems from my recent experiences with this type of criticism. I think that fat people don't have room to criticize others for their weight. I think smokers don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to harassing other smokers. On a side note, WHAT GOOD do you think it does when you guilt me about my poor self esteem? Before you open your mouth, I feel bad about myself. After you speak, I feel bad about myself for feeling bad about myself. Isn't that kind of counter productive? How productive is the following statement: "I HATE it when you talk bad about yourself! It's so stupid!" COME ON! REALLY? When you have the instinct to criticize someone, you MUST first look in the mirror and make sure your hands are clean before wiping them on someone else. No one wants to be the pot! I'm tired of being the kettle. I can't think of one single person in my life that has it ALL together. Furthermore, it seems like those who are the most critical have the LEAST together. I've been there. I get it. You lack control of your own life so you try to displace your frustration onto others. Been there, done it. Tired of being the recipient. My sincerest apologies to those who who have been the recipient of mine.

On to my next frustration. Ironically, this one kind of piggybacks onto the first one in that it involves people who don't know when to stop! I get that most all of the people I'm most frustrated with have the best of intentions, but they're not serving their purpose. If you haven't seen me lately, it's because you haven't made an effort to see me. Just because you're not seeing me under the roof YOU see fit, doesn't mean you can't see me. PLEASE don't try to make me feel bad for not wishing to sit under that roof. I spent 30+ years trying to coordinate gatherings with people I care about. After countless efforts, my attempts have diminished. If you want to spend time with me, you'll find a way. It won't be in the building YOU see fit, it will be an activity we agree upon and are sure to both enjoy. I have an upcoming surgery that requires a great deal of recovery time. You want to spend time with me? My front door will be open! Meanwhile, quit insisting that the quality of my life must surely be lessened because you're not seeing me where you think I need to be. I'm not less of a person, soul, or Christian because I don't spend every waking moment within the doors of the Church. I have my own personal reasons for stepping out, and your constant prattling isn't going to compel me to step in!

It seems, however, that I have been somewhat ostracized from those people I once called family because my face isn't present every time the doors are open. I don't get paid for making people like me. I'm not going to do something I don't care to do just to be in the company of people I love. I have had my share of disappointments and poor judgement, but overall I've lived a good life and have done my best to not deliberately hurt others. I'm growing more and more tired of seeing people who haven't made such efforts being immortalized. It seems people who make really poor choices think they have to make 200 good ones for every bad one they made. How do those pats on the back feel? Do they make you feel better for once having been a jerk? All you have to do to win my heart is live right and take care of your business. Ceremonial displays of faux selflessness aren't necessary. I'd rather see you win your own battles and come out ahead!
We're not working for boyscout badges. We are called to love our neighbor, but love doesn't have to equate to "a big show". Try gaining that fame for mastering your own path.
I guess that's all for today. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far! :) Happy Monday!