What's your punch card?

It's pretty safe to say that I'm between a rock and a hard place at this point in my life. After I heal from surgery, I can maintain my position out of the work force and continue to benefit from my free health care. I could try to find some "off the books" income so as to bring some cash in without jeopardizing that. My other option is to find work and either a.) neglect my health until it is as out of control as it is now or b.) beg an employer to give me an indefinite amount of days off so that I can pursue healthcare I can't afford until this reform is all worked out.
I've hashed this out before, no need to beat a dead horse. The topic of today's rant leans more towards the latter.
It's pretty hard to find work these days. There are plenty of jobs out there, but most people find themselves rationalizing not taking them for any number of reasons. What desireable jobs there are become objects of prey for hoards of folks looking for the softest, easiest way to make a buck. Sadly, however, it doesn't seem to matter what you're qualified for. The job that you want is also coveted by hundreds, and at least half of those hundreds have some sort of punch card. Most commonly, you're up against discrimination. It happens all the time. Someone in a minority group screams the 'D' word, and the powers that be cower in fear. If that's not a factor, there's always the concern that someone younger and sexier will come along. I highly encourage each and every one of you to dispute this, but I've seen it work. It's tried and true. Anything worth gaining these days can be had if you're sneaky enough.
I don't really care to be on disability. I once had ambitions. I spent 5 years of my life in post-secondary education. I don't think that ANY person with virtue wants to spend their life in that kind of 'system'. I already feel like a failure. Being stamped with the label of not being fit to work isn't going to correct that. I fear, however, that my choices are slimmer and slimmer by the day, and this seems to be the only one I'm left with. So many people have insisted to me that it's the best option for me and that I would be a shoe-in. Not so fast. AGAIN, there are hoards of crooked slobs out there who know how to work the system and ruin it for everybody. If I had a dollar for every obese person rolling through wal-mart on their hover-rounds collecting a disability check, I wouldn't be having this dilemma.
I guess they haven't caught on to the mass trend of getting a job, signing onto a group coverage health insurance policy, and fighting to have their weight loss surgery covered by their insurance. No need to worry about cosmetic complications after the fact. You can fight for that too! Nevermind the fact that you've now doubled premiums and deductibles for your colleagues and in some cases jeopardized coverage for all altogether!
I know.. I know.. I complain a lot. If I had half the fire for activism as I do the concerns, I'd be the next president. Thanks for allowing me to prattle and indulging me by reading!
I have work to do and shouldn't go on. Maybe my next post will be something pretty and flowery and inspirational! :)

When life hands you lemons...

Generally I like to revolve my entries around a particular theme. It's been a long week and I have a lot on my mind, so today's blog is going to be about ME! My experiences with people who "care" about me are leading me to wish I lived in the amazon with apes! I try really hard to encourage people to be their best without bullying. Though it often doesn't translate the way I wish for it to, I never want anyone to think I'm bullying them or trying to make them feel worse about their inadequacies. There's a fine line between this recipe of motivation and destructive criticism. From today, I am pledging to do my best to filter my words so that they aren't construed as destructive criticism. It's probably obvious by now that this frustration stems from my recent experiences with this type of criticism. I think that fat people don't have room to criticize others for their weight. I think smokers don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to harassing other smokers. On a side note, WHAT GOOD do you think it does when you guilt me about my poor self esteem? Before you open your mouth, I feel bad about myself. After you speak, I feel bad about myself for feeling bad about myself. Isn't that kind of counter productive? How productive is the following statement: "I HATE it when you talk bad about yourself! It's so stupid!" COME ON! REALLY? When you have the instinct to criticize someone, you MUST first look in the mirror and make sure your hands are clean before wiping them on someone else. No one wants to be the pot! I'm tired of being the kettle. I can't think of one single person in my life that has it ALL together. Furthermore, it seems like those who are the most critical have the LEAST together. I've been there. I get it. You lack control of your own life so you try to displace your frustration onto others. Been there, done it. Tired of being the recipient. My sincerest apologies to those who who have been the recipient of mine.

On to my next frustration. Ironically, this one kind of piggybacks onto the first one in that it involves people who don't know when to stop! I get that most all of the people I'm most frustrated with have the best of intentions, but they're not serving their purpose. If you haven't seen me lately, it's because you haven't made an effort to see me. Just because you're not seeing me under the roof YOU see fit, doesn't mean you can't see me. PLEASE don't try to make me feel bad for not wishing to sit under that roof. I spent 30+ years trying to coordinate gatherings with people I care about. After countless efforts, my attempts have diminished. If you want to spend time with me, you'll find a way. It won't be in the building YOU see fit, it will be an activity we agree upon and are sure to both enjoy. I have an upcoming surgery that requires a great deal of recovery time. You want to spend time with me? My front door will be open! Meanwhile, quit insisting that the quality of my life must surely be lessened because you're not seeing me where you think I need to be. I'm not less of a person, soul, or Christian because I don't spend every waking moment within the doors of the Church. I have my own personal reasons for stepping out, and your constant prattling isn't going to compel me to step in!

It seems, however, that I have been somewhat ostracized from those people I once called family because my face isn't present every time the doors are open. I don't get paid for making people like me. I'm not going to do something I don't care to do just to be in the company of people I love. I have had my share of disappointments and poor judgement, but overall I've lived a good life and have done my best to not deliberately hurt others. I'm growing more and more tired of seeing people who haven't made such efforts being immortalized. It seems people who make really poor choices think they have to make 200 good ones for every bad one they made. How do those pats on the back feel? Do they make you feel better for once having been a jerk? All you have to do to win my heart is live right and take care of your business. Ceremonial displays of faux selflessness aren't necessary. I'd rather see you win your own battles and come out ahead!
We're not working for boyscout badges. We are called to love our neighbor, but love doesn't have to equate to "a big show". Try gaining that fame for mastering your own path.
I guess that's all for today. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far! :) Happy Monday!

You're one of a kind.. just like everyone else!

I have a LOT on my mind this night. I could rant about a number of concerns, but I have avoided this entry for a few days due to the number of other matters that have arisen!
I looked up the word "unique" in dictionary.com tonight. I found exactly what I thought I would. Unique, is formally defined as:
1.
existing as the only one or as the sole example; single; solitary in type or characteristics: a unique copy of an ancient manuscript.
2.
having no like or equal; unparalleled; incomparable: Bach was unique in his handling of counterpoint.
3.
limited in occurrence to a given class, situation, or area: a species unique to Australia.
4.
limited to a single outcome or result; without alternative possibilities: Certain types of problems have unique solutions.
5.
not typical; unusual: She has a very unique smile.

Let's think, for a moment, about what it takes, by this definition, to be TRULY unique, shall we? Take for example, the second definition: "having NO like or equal". I find that most people who take such pride in being "unique" have a few select very outstanding traits that, although are defining, are DEFINITELY NOT unique. For example, most commonly, you will find that those covered from head to toe in body ink and alternative hair colors and styles pride themselves in being "one of a kind". Because there aren't hundreds of thousands of folks out there covered in ink with green mohawks?
Being a part of the glbt(qi) community has brought "uniqueness" to light in a way I never dreamed. There are SO many people in this community, even more specifically in the art of male and female impersonation, who center their personna around that silly little word. 'I'm one of a kind. My act is DRASTICALLY different from theirs because I painted my pinky fingernail yellow. How DARE you compare!' Furthermore, I find that those who take the most offense to being imitated take many a performer under their wing. More times than not, these performers are those they see as "projects", perhaps lacking in confidence, talent, and experience. Often within no time at all, you'll find these performers have budded into confident 'mini-clones' of their mentors. So, I guess what these mentors message REALLY implies is that imitation is only flattering if I allow and shape it, in which case it's mandatory. So long as you comply, we'll gossip and defame all the losers we're convinced are imitating us because they have their nails painted the same color.
Though, this example is rather specific, it applies to so many avenues of life. So my question is, what IS so special about you? What makes you SO unique? I don't think I'm very unique at all. I'm rather tall for a woman.. but that's not something one has say over. I'm rather opinionated, but there are MANY opinionated folks out there. Matter of fact, I'm quite OK with blending in. Granted my thumbprint is one of a kind, I don't exactly stand out in a crowd. (well, literally yes, but not in the sense of the term.)
So, if you're going to prattle on with every breath about how you are SO unique and there is NO COMPARISON to you, make it true!! Do something AMAZING no one before you has ever done or may ever be able to do. If ya can't swing that, embrace the fact that someone before you inspired what you do, and you very well may inspire someone down the road. Meanwhile, stop being so catty. Don't hate! Educate and Celebrate! :)

Lengthy, but VERY important to me! Hopefully a GOOD read!

Wow! What an uproar this healthcare reform has stirred! I've lost count of my "facebook friends" who are up in arms about how this country is going to hell in a handbasket because of this day in history! Look, I GET IT! I get that you're concerned about insurance companies. I get that you're concerned about that extra penny or two a year that might actually come out of your billfold. Did you protest the extra money that was figured into your paycheck this year as a result of Obama's taxpayer incentive to you? The way I figure, each and every working, taxpaying American probably banked an extra couple hundred in these 9 months alone. Did you revolt and send those extra dollars back? Many were concerned that at the end of the year, you would suffer when it came time for tax refunds. Well I know for a fact that Kentucky alone offered a FREE service to folks to ensure that they received each and every penny that was entitled to them.
I wonder how you revolted when MYRIADS of moderately overweight folks began to fight insurance companies to have their weight loss surgeries covered? Or how many insurance companies had to file bankruptcy or, worse, close due to all those who fought even harder to have their resulting cosmetic surgeries and all the complications thereof covered. I know you must have been as angered as I was back then! It's hard enough for people like myself with pre-existing conditions to get the first bit of help. Then a few people with contempt for their 50 pounds are going to screw it up even worse? Man.. I bet you were OUTRAGED!
As it stands right now, in order to get the SPECIALTY care that my condition requires, I have to receive ALL services through University of Louisville, who offers a generous program based on income. I pay $15 for a visit to the doctor. Pretty much everything else is offered to me free of charge. Pretty sweet, huh?! I realize this reform might affect that. I also realize that if I want GOOD, SPECIALTY medical care, as it stands today, I have to live within a daytrip radius of a University, and spend at least 3 days a month in the office. Sure there are free clinics out there. Those are great if you have the flu or a sprained ankle. What about specific genetic disorders? Pre-existing conditions? Many of you who are opposed to this reform probably have parents who were opposed to the medicaid system. So you probably think that I SHOULDN'T continue to progress towards applying for disability. That I should find an employer (because they're SO easy to find) who is going to cater to all of my medical needs and leave the light on for me!
All the opposition to this reform is not unlike all the opposition to civil rights, presently and pertinently GAY rights. People are against it because it doesn't benefit them! What a selfish nation we've become! Not one single law that has ever been or will ever be passed effects or benefits every living citizen of the United States of America. Furthermore, I realize that there are duds out there who are quick to screw it up for everyone. I know you're outraged by the folks who lie, cheat, and steal to get a medicaid card and pack out emergency rooms because their nose is running or they have a little ache in their pinky toe. I know it upsets you to hear of all the scandalous flaming gays who jump from bed to bed.. relationship to relationship like it's their last day on earth. Have you looked at the state of heterosexual marriage lately? Have you noticed how easy it is to get married and divorced? Have you bothered to look into your local law dockets lately and see how many couples get divorced on a WEEKLY basis? How is it MY responsibility to protect the sacrament of marriage that YOU so quickly defile?
If you're so outraged with our government, MOVE TO MEXICO!! They'll be happy to have your tax dollars! You're already behind the scenes of them receiving millions as we speak! If you think the good old U S of A stands a chance, get off your butt, quit your facebook kvetching, and START a REVOLUTION! Make your posters, sign your petitions, and GET BUSY!! If you're not part of the solution.. you MUST be.....

This week keeps getting better!!

It seems watching the news isn't ALWAYS a bad thing! :) Tonight as I was playing one of my favorite online games while winding down for the night, I was listening to the news only to find that Obama's health care reform has passed!! I'm not sure how much more good news I can take this week!
I'm delighted for those of you who are opposed to a healthcare reform. You clearly have excellent medical coverage and/or no fear of a disease taking your life in the event of neglecting medical care due to expenses. Right now I am having to make a conscious decision to not work because I have neglected my health for near 10 years and it's getting the best of me! I spend so much time in Doctor's offices that I have entertained the idea of renting a room at the hospital! I'm fortunate enough to have nearly free medical care at University of Louisville through their classification system, but my bills, as you can imagine don't pay themselves. The idea of me going to work isn't an impossibility. I could get a job, neglect the frequent care my condition requires, and end up in the exact same boat I'm in now. No! I know!! I can inform prospective employers that I must be given an indefinite number of days off so that I can seek the medical care that I need, thus flushing any chance of being offered a position anywhere! I am in the process of getting records together and re-applying for medicaid. Don't you think I'd rather be a productive, hard-working member of society? Don't you think I'd rather be able to pay my bills on my ownand have money to spare? Don't you think I'd rather be able to afford the co-pays, deductibles, and premiums required by standard insurance? I didn't choose to be born with a disorder that would haunt me for the rest of my life. My condition isn't the result of some decision to make life miserable for myself and others.
So before you tear our president up for having the nerve to make history that DOESN'T have the FIRST thing to do with YOU, close your eyes and say a prayer of thanks that SICK people like myself now have a chance at living each day a little less miserably.
I'm starting to think we should have played the powerball yesterday! This week has been the luckiest EVER for me! If you can't be happy for our president, be happy for me, and people just like me all over the world!

Take me to another place.. take me to another land..

*disclaimer*: This post will be one of my least popular. It is VERY likely that the opinions expressed here do NOT reflect the opinions of ANY of my readers. If you aren't capable of reading with an open mind and responding accordingly, please move along to Suzi Housewife's blog. She'll have a wonderful flowery story for you of Easter Bunnies and Cotton Candy!

Wow! Just when I thought I've seen it all. Generally my first order of business for the morning is to catch up on facebook. Just like any other morning, I did just that today. In addition to this routine, however, for once, I watched the news. I usually avoid the news at all costs as I find it too frustrating, depressing, or inducing of judgemental attitudes that I REALLY need to cleanse myself of. Well today's tidbits stirred all of the above. The first bit I actually paid attention to was the story of a gal who was facing the jury for the homicide of her infant. Said gal stuffed something (I believe it was toilet paper) into her infant's mouth, dumped said infant into a trash can, and left. Said gal plead not guilty. Hmm. So if not death, what result did she expect would transpire from this disposal? How does she figure that she DIDN'T kill her child?
OK.. this entry seemed pretty cut and dry, thus resulting in minimal conversation with myself. Yes, I talk to myself about the news, and a number of other things that frustrate me. I do, afterall, have the most accurate insight to my own thoughts and feelings.
A few less significant stories were broadcast, then the roof caved in! I've neglected to follow closely this particular story, but have heard of it on more than one occasion. A particular man from the Indianapolis area (I believe) is also facing a jury of peers for a similar action. My thoughts on this particular matter, however, vary a great deal. As it happened, this fella apparently fornicated with quite a few ladies who have now pressed charges against him for attempted homicide or some similar grievance. No no no.. the sex wasn't THAT good. You see, what happened, was that this fella is infected with AIDS and neglected to share his status with is partners. His arguement is that "the whore that gave it to him didn't bother to inform him, so he's just paying it forward to more stupid whores". OK.. though I'm not fond of his vernacular, I'm not entirely opposed to his 'semantics'. I'm the first to agree that he should have given those women the knowledge they needed to make an informed choice as to whether or not they wished to proceed with relations. HOWEVER, in a backwards and insensitive way, he does have a point. Why, afterall, is this epidemic so prevalent these days? 1.) Shame. Most people realize that their desirability factor decreases significantly with the announcement of a sexually transmitted disease, especially one as significant as HIV and AIDS. 2.) Abuse of Trust. All it takes to get two people naked and horizontal these days is a little sweet talk. "You speak as though you like me, so you MUST have only the best of intentions with me, therefore it would be silly for me to let something like contraception get in the way of our heat!" PLEASE let me clarify that I am NO stranger to careless relations. God MUST have had a NUMBER of angels watching over me in my day. I'm no stranger to the embarassment of a sexually transmitted disease. There, I said it. I've had to give the speech. I've had to face the fear that someone I was REALLY attracted to might not wish to proceed in a relationship with me due to my stupidity. It's not a fun time, let me tell ya! Although my story differs greatly from someone with HIV or AIDS, the facts are the facts. It takes two to tango. If you suffer the consequences of careless behavior, you're just as guilty as the culprit who inflicted them for not having taken common sense precautions. This opinion isn't popular and may in fact result in some heated feedback.

I'm ready.

Diary of a mad fat woman!

Greetings and salutations! It seems my ramblings must have finally struck a cord as there seems to be less activity over in this neck of the woods for the past few posts. It strikes me as so ironic that people are SO sensitive to my opinions. Seems many think I'm just an all around Debbie Downer. Well, hmm. I guess if you don't take the time to get to know me and realize I'm a VERY passionate person and learn how to take my words for face value and not what you twist and contort them into meaning, then you're probably just going to remain insulted and probably shouldn't hover over such words. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. There is a LOT wrong with the world right now. The fact that it bothers me and I choose to call it out doesn't make me a rude or negative person. It makes me a concerned American citizen. A HUMAN with thoughts and feelings that deserve to be expressed.
So if you're still following.. I know you're on the edge of your seat in anticipation of the revelation of today's rant. Well the title says it all! It's all about fat, baby! There has been a lot of recent drama over the new budding superstar whose name I'm not even going to TRY to get right.. ya know.. the girl from Precious. Miss Gabby. I guess some people with a little media power are picking and tearing at her weight, and it's setting some people off. I get it! It's NOT cool to judge a person based on superficial standards. I HATE people who HATE people who are fat. I think it's HORRIBLE that we judge a person's longevity and energy based upon their size.
Having said all that, I HATE fat. Yup! I really did just say I hate people who hate people who are fat. It's a horrible thing to immediately feel contempt for someone just because of their size. I don't hate people who are fat, I just hate fat. There's not one darn thing I like about being fat. I think it's sloppy, it makes me hate shopping for clothes, it's downright unattractive, and it makes me feel more unhealthy than EVER! I despise the fact that I can't make it up half a flight of stairs without being winded. I'm fully aware that my knees would suffer FAR less if I lightened their load by about 75 pounds.
I don't care how you want to argue your case, being more than 30 pounds overweight is damaging to your health. Now that's not to say that the standards for what is overweight and what isn't couldn't stand a little tweaking. I've grown so tired of studying charts which insist that my ideal weight should be 150. I haven't been 150 since middle school. My bone structure alone weighs around 150. I would be hospitalized at anything lower than 180. I can't stand the look of skin and bones. I have NO desire to be SKINNY! The thought of me being skinny is equally repulsive to the contempt I have for my fat.
I just want to be HEALTHY! Just like Queen Latifah! I want to be able to dance. I want to sink into the seat at the movie house without worrying I just might break the sides. I want to not sit in the car in sheer panic over the thought of journeying up the stairs to my apartment.
WHAT is SO wrong with that? WHY do people CONSTANTLY climb down my throat because I'm SO disgusted with my weight. It's OK to not want to be morbidly obese, people. I'm not, nor have I or will I ever, implying that women with curves shouldn't embrace themselves!! Let me clarify that there is a difference between curves and rolling waves!
Let me hate my fat! I don't want to be happy in my own skin! I think America as a whole SHOULD hate fat! It's bad for us, and because of it's increasing prevalence, we've become the butt of all too many jokes that our neighbors overseas make!!
I pledge today to work towards a HEALTHIER (not skinnier) me!
Who's with me??

Press one for English.. Press two if you're 10 and need parental permission to proceed!

Sooooo you probably thought I was going to go on one of those "Dang it, speak ENGLISH if you're going to live in the USofA tyrades" huh? Maybe tomorrow. For today, the subject of my rant revolves around the latter. If I have to step out of the way for ONE more child or adolescent who can't watch where they're going for texting, I'm going to plow right over them! PLEASE tell me why ANYONE under the age of 16 needs a cell phone? Although I've never been the biggest proponent of cell phones to begin with, I do enjoy the ability to text without having to ramble over dead air for 20 useless minutes. HOWEVER, I remember a time when there WERE no cell phones and GUESS WHAT?? We SURVIVED!!
What purpose do they really serve for a 12 year old? I keep hearing the arguement about having to stay late at school. Well I also happen to remember when we had to stay late at school *brace yourselves* WITHOUT a cell phone. It WORKED!
Do any of you even realize how many jobs have been flushed because of the uprising of cell phone usage? Having that little old home phone you think is so LATE once provided about 3 people with jobs. Were it not for the fact that we're in contract, I'd probably give mine up without hesitation. It's not as if I ever use it anyway.
I get the novelty. I get the convenience. I'm among the first to call my momma in the middle of wal*mart when I'm picking up the ingredients for one of my favorite dishes to ask her those questions only your momma can answer about the dish. I've been more than grateful to have my phone on the rare occasions I've absolutely needed one. I'm 33 years old, and I've posessed a cell phone for probably 3 years of my life. Look how far I've made it!
OK.. back to the original rant. What are we really teaching children by giving them cell phones at such unreasonable ages? Instant gratification. Just what every child needs a refresher course in! You don't have to wait for anything, skippy! You can have what you want, when you want it, how you want it, NOW!
This "free love" results in TOO many teenagers trying to multi task behind the wheel while YOUR loved ones are sharing the road! Why shouldn't they text and talk while driving? This technology is all they've known. I don't even want to know how many teens there are out there who have had cellphones for at least half of their natural lives. They don't realize that conversation can wait. They've never known the excitement of skipping home and waiting for the phone to ring. Now they can have their favorite vulgar jingles play right from their pockets with ALL their friends eagerly awaiting their answer on the other end of the line! Great!
If indeed your concern is your child's safety and his or her inability to reach you, there ARE phones out there that offer emergency only services. I've seen many that are equipped with ONLY the option to contact the parent or emergency services. What more does a child really need?
All I know is I'm tired of not being able to enjoy a trip to the mall without bumping into some little snit too engrossed in texting to be courteous to other shoppers or listening to 10 year old Tommy come up with lingo that would embarass Howard Stern while chatting on his cell with friends on the other end of the mall.
I'm MORE than open to enlightment in this matter. As a matter of fact, I'm begging for it, because I simply don't understand. DARE to share!!

Think You've Seen Everything? Go to craigslist.com!

OK.. so on rare occasion, I'm guilty of it. Yes, cruising craigslist is one of my seldomly practiced guilty pleasures. I sometimes feel really insecure about my inadequacies, and skimming over craigslist ads inevitably makes me feel like a million bucks! Today I snuck into the infamous "rants and raves" section. I love a good uneducated debate. Someone had posted a complaint about two men of color who were outside of a store, prattling on about an amazing play in today's U of L game. Evidently, they were making a very blatant celebration of the fact that a white guy ACTUALLY made a great play.. given that he was white and everything. The poster of this rant was offended by what he took as "reverse racism". I'm not sure where he came up with this term, but it struck me as funny because racism is racism. White people are NOT the only people guilty of or infamous for racism.
*WARNING!!! From this point on, it IS possible I may seriously offend, so PLEASE read at your own risk or not at all!*
Having been raised in a small town where I would say 99% of the population was of caucasion persuasion, I CRAVED variety. The only exposure I had to any kind of living outside of my own race and belief system was that of stories from my mother who lived in Chicago and had a diverse group of friends and colleagues. I always promised myself and others that I would NEVER exhibit some of the senseless acts of bigotry and racism that I grew up to know. For the most part, I still haven't. I don't discriminate against groups as a whole. Only a prevalent pattern of negative behavior.
Having moved to Evansville which was more of a melting pot than I had ever experienced, I quickly discovered that my bright eyed, bushy tailed dreams of carrying out MLK Jr's legacy would quickly die. There WOULD soon be people that would instantly hate me based upon the color of my skin and their perceived notion that I owed them something. There WOULD be people who would completely disregard my physical presence because I wasn't "one of them". Imagine the horror when I found that there are actually Churches and schools founded and populated by particular races. Who knew that it would be acceptable for a gang of black women walking leisurely through the street, (deliberately avoiding the paved sidewalks on both sides, making vehicular traffic flow next to impossible) to call me a WHITE BITCH when I politely asked them to clear the way for oncoming vehicles.
There is no caucasian American college fund. The NAACP will NOT be beating my door down when I cry "hate crime". Jesse Jackson and the Rainbow Coalition will not make a protest when my friends are denied marriage licenses based on their orientation. So all these people we just spent a month celebrating MUST be rolling over in their graves at the notion that all the equality and inclusion they fought for has been flushed. I see more division now than I can imagine would have been an issue in the generation before mine.
I don't know what makes that OK or how it works, and why I'm supposed to lie like a doormat when I'm profiled against based upon my race. Perhaps someone can explain it to me. Perhaps someone can tell me why everytime I end up in a discussion about racism with someone of another race, it all boils down to "I have to treat you like dirt because YOU treated MY people like dirt." Listen.... I had nothing to do with the torture that was inflicted upon your great great great great great great great great great uncle twice removed. WE didn't exist in that day. Those wonderful people who fought for YOUR people's freedom and equality for YOUR people expected that YOU and I would be playing nice by now.
So, in conclusion, I welcome the most brutal of feedback. Please keep in mind this is not, nor has been in any way, shape, or form, a RACIST entry. I'm simply questioning it!

I believe the children are our future..

OK.. since my prior posts were both introduced with lyrics, it wouldn't be cool to stop now. I'm REALLY REALLY bothered lately by CRUMMY parents. Sorry.. no cute intro, no hi, how ya doin.. going to get right to the meat and potatoes.
I made a conscious choice a long time ago that I am NOWHERE NEAR ready, responsible enough, or selfless enough to have children. SO I haven't. It's not rocket science. If you don't want them, or don't think you'll be able to provide everything they need, ya don't do it. Accidents happen, so if ya DO do it (haha.. do do), and ya still can't provide, then consider a family who can. There's nothing in the world that irks me worse than poor parenting. This generation is raising a society I'm mortified of living to see. There's already so little respect for people and property that I get aggravated just walking out my front door. When you dare blame parenting for people's poor behavior, there are a million people waiting to jump down your throat with a number of excuses. I've heard them all! Lack of discipline in school. REALLY? Your child is in school for about 35 hours a week. That leaves you responsible for 133. So whose roll is more important? What's your story in the summer? Chemical radiation from the sun? Come on, folks.
Maybe because I was raised in a small town by simple folks, I'll never be able to wrap my mind around the self-absorption we're teaching children and young adults. What is REALLY so wrong with the word NO!??? What is REALLY so wrong with teaching a child to respect other people's property? What does a child have to learn by giving it every single knick and knack it whimpers for? Why do children think it's OK to treat furniture like jungle gyms? Because when they fall and bust their head, we're going to hold them and give them candy. Why do children think it's OK to talk back to their parents? Because their parents will send them to their room where they can play one of their 15 gaming systems while talking on their cell phone and watch filth on their 32" t.v.!! Why do teenagers think that they can't complete a sentence without a vulgar profanity? Because their parents can't!
Parenting is a SERIOUS responsibility. I'm OVER this generation of chumps who think it's more important to be their child's friend than their parent.
I'm pretty tired, and don't have much else to say today. Thanks to national news for inspiring today's post. I'm glad all parties involved in the flights that were directed by a child whose dad thought it was "CUTE" are safe and no injuries or fatalities were caused.
Have a great night!!

Don't give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself!

The topic of today's rant has more to do with people keeping their assumptions to themselves, but the song came to mind and it seemed to almost fit. I don't know how many of my friends follow the show "The Bachelor". In the past, these shows couldn't hold my attention for more than 10 minutes and would give me hours of complaining about how shallow men and women can be and how unrealistically the media is portraying dating and falling in love. I find myself far more entertained by these guilty indulgences, however, these days, and find that if you view from the right frame of mind, you can learn a lot about life. Tonight America learned that Vienna had indeed won Jake's heart. Poor Poor Vienna. Not a darn soul liked her. I surely didn't. I was with the rest of America rooting for Ali and Gia. Tenley was just a little too sugary fakey goodie two shoes for me. I never got the Fargo-esque baby talk and her too good to be true personna. Vienna made no bones about not being a part of the show to make friends. Lots of people have judged her as fake, lacking in virtue, and a plethera of many other terms of endearment. I don't know Vienna. I'm sure I never will. I DO know, however, that if there's anything the past 6 years have taught me about relationships is that.. well.. it's none of your business. I have been in Vienna's shoes. People who don't make the effort to TRULY get to know me, without hesitation, conjure up a number of assumptions about me. I don't have a sweet sugary glazed coating. My number one goal in life isn't to make best friends with every person I meet. Resultingly, I get a lot of "WHAT does she see in JEN?!?! SHE deserves SO much better!!!" This was an overwhelmingly prevalent theme in my last relationship. Many folks assumed that my ex deserved SO much better than me because my ex was.. well.. sweet. Every day was a hunky dory doo-da one, and every opinion opposite of hers had merit and agreeable content. No one had any visible reason not to like her. They seemed to quickly lose count of reasons not to like me. If you know me at all, it needs not said how that relationship ended. Bet ya didn't see that coming. Matter of fact, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd be getting married in Cinderella's Castle and honeymooning in Trump Plaza!
Of COURSE you didn't see it coming. MANY learned that everything isn't always just as it seemed. First of all of them being myself! Thank GOD for that lesson! Now that it's all said and done, I'm preparing to marry the love of my life, I've mended fences with the ex, and all is at peace with the world.
So next time you have one of those "what are they thinking?" moments, try to remember that the only relationship you carry the first bit of expertise into is your own. If we spent as much time working on our own relationships as we do prying into others, couple's counselors would be out of business!!
Food for thought! Have a great night!

lyrics..lyrics.. constant controversy..

I'm not quite sure why, but in trying to come up with a catchy title for this entry, some random Eminem lyrics came to mind and they seem fitting for the drive that motivated me to spearhead this little blog.
My thoughts and opinions aren't always the most popular, but from what I hear, they're not unlike a trainwreck. You hate to love to look. I'm not quite the pessimistic Polly that some take me for. Most of my kvetching is done in good humor. SOME, however, is NOT for the weak of heart. I make no bones about that fact that I'm NOT afraid to hurt feelings. Sometimes the truth can be ugly.
Often I simply have a motivating or inspiring story to tell and hope to pass the torch on to another weary soul.
It's hard telling what you'll find here, but for those depraved of my salty thoughts, I bring you this little slice of indulgence.
I just finished reading the blog of a distant relative of mine. I'm not sure how mine compares.. she is a sweet housewife raising a family.. a lovely little S.A.H.M. It's funny how blogging has taken the place of the ever-so-annoying and voyeuristic "newsletter" many bored housewives of the 80's would INSIST that every Tom, Dick, and Harry would be feening for their quarterly copy. Now, thanks to the joy of technology, you don't have to wait for three months to see whether or not little Sammy's rash cleared up, or if Suzie won prom queen.
Well I don't have a little family to raise. I don't have cute stories to tell of little *insert one of 200 trendy names that rhyme with laiden here*'s first time trick or treating, or my first time baking a cake with my little princess. What I have is raw.. real.. and rarely "cute".
I have opinions that need vented. I have convictions that keep me awake at night.

Most recently wrecking my weary soul is the notion that SO SO SO very many people in this generation are being put on shiny pedestals for bad behavior and it tears me up inside.
I don't think I have to spell things out here. Everybody in this day and age wants to do things the easiest, prettiest, softest way possible. Behave like a mongrel, suffer some form of consequence, and it's GUARANTEED that SOMEBODY out there is going to rally for you and you're going to be the lucky recipient of every bit of pity they can siphon from everyone they know!
Am I just too old fashioned?? I get that minus the gay thing, I am more than my share of conservative in belief. I can't help it. I was raised by folks who raised their kids in a simpler time.
Why is trying to do the right thing so "last century"? Why do I spend so many nights alone, while so many people with drastically less virtue have their social cards punched to the max?
Aahhhhh.. I digress. It's late, I'm sleepy, and will probably TRULY begin to step on some very personal toes if I go much further. Just wanted to get this initial tidbit out of the way! I hope you enjoy! PLEASE feel FREE to offer feedback! I LOVE comments!!!! There's no "like" link here, so ya have to share those thoughts! I can take it! I bid you all a good evening and a Happy Monday!